Accio Potter!
by GKingOfFez
Summary: Voldemort has the Elder Wand. Now all he needs is Harry Potter. Could the answer really be so simple? Complete crack, not to be taken siriusly. Now with a sequel.


_If I'm completely honest… I have no idea where this came from. I started writing this aaaagggeess ago. I don't even remember when._

_Anyway, enjoy the randomness! I certainly did. xDDD_

…

A shower of sparks rained down upon Voldemort's disillusioned body, his fingers curling triumphantly around the Elder Wand.

After months of searching it was finally his.

He cast a disgusted look at the cracked marble tomb and the visible remains of Albus Dumbledore. The old man had been foolish thinking that death would protect the wand from Lord Voldemort's reach.

He was the true Master of the Wand, having brought upon the demise of the old crone lying before him. With one last glance at the pale body, he swept away towards the dark castle.

With the aid of this wand, the world would bow down before him. No one would dare question his power.

But first, the matter of Harry Potter. Voldemort scowled. The boy was a disease, bent on destroying everything he worked for and slipping through his fingers every time he was close to destroying him.

The darkness surrounding him seemed to lessen a fraction and he looked to the east to see a sliver of light on the horizon

A thought occurred to him as he walked along the well-worn pathway to the giant oak doors. _I am master of this wand, the most powerful wand in the world,_ he thought, pausing on his journey, _Which means I can do very powerful magic…_

Which meant, of course, that there was no doubt he was now the most powerful wizard to ever live and could do things others could only dream of.

He turned around, an idea forming at the back of his mind. It was a little idea, rather silly, in fact. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He arrived at the school gates through which he had entered not long ago. He knew his idea would not work within the school grounds, and tapped the iron gates with the tip of his wand and stepped well out of range of the protective enchantments.

He shrugged, thinking it would do no harm to try, and raised the wand high into the air, "Accio Harry Potter!" He whispered.

…

"It's too late!" Harry groaned, sinking to his knees on the edge of Bill and Fleur's garden, clutching his scar.

"No it's not!" Ron cried behind him, "We could still get there in time-"

"Give it up, Ron," Hermione interjected, sounding extremely tired. "Harry's right: Dumbledore wanted us to go after the Horcruxes, not the Hallows."

"But-!"

"It's too late," Harry repeated, "You-Know-Who has the Elder Wand, and there's nothing we can do."

Ron spluttered for a moment or two, finally giving up when Hermione sent him a deathly glare (which she still managed to do, even though not an hour earlier she had been almost tortured to death).

"So, what are we going to do now, Harry?" She asked, trying to sound hopeful.

"Like you said, Hermione, we need to start looking for the Horcruxes again." He replied, "Now, when I was digging Dobby's grave I had some pretty good ide-" Harry cut off mid-sentence, a strange expression on his face.

"Harry?" Hermione quickly asked, concerned. "Harry, are you all-?" With a yell, Harry was suddenly pulled backwards and flung into the air as though some invisible giant had yanked him away.

"Harry!" Ron and Hermione both screamed, running after him, but he was all ready too far away, twisting and turning and yelling as the land rushed under him. He had never flown like this before.

He kept going until his ears and fingers were numb with cold in the early-morning light. Soon, however, he came across a sight he was not expecting. "Oh, Merlin!" He tried to cry, but could not hear himself above the wind.

He started losing height after that, and all too soon found himself in a heap in front of the gates of Hogwarts, somewhere he hadn't been expecting to see again for a while. He groaned and raised his head, to find himself staring at someone's bare feet.

"Well, well, well," and icy voice said, making Harry's blood run cold. "I must say, I wasn't expecting you to _drop_ in, Potter."

Harry raised his head to meet his enemy's eye, looking right into them, red into green. He saw the Elder Wand clutched victoriously in his long-fingered hands, and swore at the top of his lungs, using some of Ron's best swear words.

A flicker of surprise passed along Voldemort's snake-like face. "I must say, this _is_ a night for surprises. But I'm afraid your luck has now run out, Potter." At this he raised his wand, pointing straight at Harry (who was still in a heap on the floor) and said, "Avada Kedavra."

…

Meanwhile, up in Heaven…

"Well," said Dumbledore, "I wasn't expecting _that_!"

"Are you kidding!" Sirius replied, the only who seemed to have recovered, the rest still looking shocked and stunned, "I don't think any of us were." And there were general nods all around, many with open mouths.

All of a sudden, Harry popped up through the clouds next to them, looking extremely angry. "Well, that sucked," he muttered.

"You're telling me," James replied incredulously, pulling himself together, "All the things you've done, and yet you were defeated by a simple Summoning Charm!"

"James!" Lily called sternly, hugging her son.

"Yes, simple is the word for it," Sirius sighed, "So simple, and yet..." He gestured beyond the cloud where they could see the world slowly turning to chaos with Voldemort in complete control.

"…so lame." Harry finished.

The End~

…

_xDDDDDDDD_

_I'm weird. _


End file.
